1
Abracatabra; teh r00t passwurd of teh I-am-r00t.
2
Der moar hard maffs nao an a seekrit wurd an teh lolspeak iz nawt riet. Meow! Meow! Maeked teh spell of I-am-1337!
3
Furst yu shud no dat Im teh War Kitteh an Im pwnz0r dem.
7
Im giv yu Ninja Skillz an badass lazerz an s00p3r l337 p0w3rz.
8
Wif dem yu smited teh peepul. PWNED!!!!!1!1
9
Ninja Kitteh Attack! dis teh LOL of teh PWNAGE: mai worshup iz bout mai seekrit haus.
10
Get teh piktur of teh cheezburger; put it in ur seekrit plaic undr teh bed — an undr teh bed alreddy haz ballz of string an catnipz an fudz an stuffs — an it will be ur Kibble forevurz. It wont faded, it will be moar NOM evereh dai. It will be pruf to teh wurld.
11
Dis ur only pruf. dun argue, jus PWN! iz enuff. yu haz dangerz an trubblz. I-am-y00 will halp. Worshup me wit fierz an wit blud, worshup me wit teef an wit clawz. Let teh laydee sharp her clawz b4 me: let toona flow to mai mouf. PWN t3h h33th1n, den yu NOM!!!!1!1!
12
Sacrifiec teh littul m00 an teh big m00.
14
L8r, o Monsta, RAWR! an yu, teh Red Laydee he WANT!
16
Dun be too eegr for teh cookeh; dun be skerd of teh wet furz. Cuz yu a n00b so yu dunno.
17
yu no haz feer; dun feer teh hoomin or teh Kitteh, or anyfing. Dun feer teh p00chez or teh squirt gunz, or wet furz, or teh vacuum kleener, or ur clawz stuck in teh skrachpost. n00 will halp an Hadit will turned teh liet on; an Im teh sharp in ur clawz an teef.
19
Teh piktur of teh cheezburger, dey will nawt liek. It haz maff, count it, plzkthx.
20
Wai? cuz Becuz go wei nao, gud riddns.
21
Put mai piktur in teh sunny spot; yu will haz speshul piktur, ai show yu.
22
Teh othr pikturs are der to halp, worshup dem too. Im visibul but teh othrz are seekrit. Dey are for teh Monsta RAWR an teh Red Laydee an for teh epic winrz of teh Ordilz. WTF izzis?! yu no l8rz.
23
For purrfyum mix toona an peetsa an lotz catnipz: den oil of Abra-meh-Nom, an cookeh oil, an den chu on it an maeked smuth wif delishus Salmon.
24
teh best Salmon iz frm teh wawterz, fresh evereh month, NOM: den baybeh Salmon, or fawllin frm teh skiez: den of t3h pwnd; den of teh prest or teh worshuppers: last from teh Salmon farm, no mattr wer.
25
Put dis in teh fierz an maeked cookeh an eated teh cookeh for me. an put cookeh for teh mouses an bugz, dey liek teh cookeh t00.
26
Den yu can killin an eated deh mouses an bugz.
27
an den yu eated dem an it maek yu WANT an givz yu t3h l337 p0w3rz of teh WANT.
28
an yu can haz teh sharp Ninja clawz, srsly.
29
Maek dem sit for long tiem, so ai put lotz mai furz on dem.
30
Mai Kitteh bed haz teh furz awl ovr it.
31
Dis rich kitteh come an kaff teh hairball on yu, srsly.
32
Taek teh furz an maek sharp teef!
33
Nao yu flai or PWN!!!!!1!1
34
No wan steelz ur warm spot bai teh window for rly rly long tiem. Den anothr Kitteh will taek ovr, but iz rly rly long tiem frm nao, srsly. Den der anothr proffit an anothr laydee she waked up teh LOLSnake again an anothr King can haz awl ur base an teh Kitteh wit teh Burd-hed go wei frm teh window den.
35
Haff of Hair00-ha-ha iz Hair-ball-kaff an I-am-r00t.
36
Den teh proffit sez to teh Kitteh:
37
I luvz yu in Meow —
Im t3h d00d, srsly,
Im t3h s00p3r-h4x0r;
teh invisibul skiez, ai maek dem visibul,
an I-am-1337 iz heer, w00t!
we haz y00nitee!
yu are teh ossim,
t3h 1337357 Kitteh, srsly,
yu maeked teh kittehs an teh deths
awl skerd an stuffs: —
ai, ai luvz yu!!!!!!!!11!1
Jump on teh sunny spot of Rawr!
Open teh waiz of teh Purr!
Lietn teh waiz of teh Cat!
Teh waiz of teh Naps run thru
maeked me waek up or sleepz!
Meow! I can haz!
38
I haz teh liet an iz liek Ninja claw. an dis teh seekrit Kitteh d00r:
I haz teh liet; iz nommin meh!
I maeked seekrit Kitteh d00r
to Haus of Rawr an Nom,
of Catpurra an of Mrrowwrrr.
Im ur h4x0r, O Kitteh!
Bai Miao ai catch teh mouses,
Bai Mew ai maek teh hoomin bring fud.
O Hai Nuit, yu are teh ossim!
I can haz naps in ur Haus,
LOLSnake, Hadit!
I can haz ur mai BFF, I-am-1337!
39
Awl dis on teh internetz forevurz — cuz it haz teh seekrit wurd an nawt jus in teh LOLSpeak — an wen yu sai sumting bout teh Book of the LOL it will be liek ROTFLMAO, srsly! Giv dis LOL to awl teh hoomin an awl teh Kitteh an evereh wan. den dey ROTFLMAO or nawt, wut yu tink? Hurreh up!
40
teh wurk of teh kommint? iz easy. Hadit in ur hartz, makin yu hurreh.
41
Business Cat... means business.
42
yul see teh ordilz. dun sai no can haz to anywan, but PWN teh traytrz. Iz I-am-1337, an ai haz teh sharp clawz an teef protikts mai hoomin. Suksess iz ur pruf so STFU. teh wans dat trai maek yu taek baff an git wawter on ur furz, jus PWN dem wit no pittee. Jus liek teh wet kitteh, skrach dem an maek punktyur wundz in der skinz! an den lawl wen dey skreem: an hiss!
43
teh Red Laydee shud be careful! If she haz teh pittee an kompashun an awl dat st00pid 'nice kitteh' stuffs, den ai haz an angree. aill eated her babiez: aill maeked her go wei: no wan liek her an she dai wit teh wet furz an no fudz an stuffs, srsly.
44
She shud go wit me insted, an be teh bad kitteh! liek skrach teh sofa an nok ovr teh plantz an stuffs! an catterwawl awl niet, srsly! She shud eated awl teh gud fudz an stuffs an teh hoomin trai to stop her and she wud be liek 'so wut' an liek 'go wei, ai nommin awl ur fudz'!!!!!!!!!!11!!1
45
Den ai giv her teh s00p3r l337 p0w3rz an she haz a happee: she worshup teh n00 and she can haz teh Hadit.
46
I am teh Warrior Kitteh of teh maff. I givz yu happee an yu liek catched teh mouses. teh ded mouses iz ur prufs; teh big puff up furz iz ur armr; go on in mai l337 p0w3rz!
47
Dis b00k sum1 rited it in lotz diffrnt LOLSpeaks: but alwaiz wit teh Kitteh LOLSpeak dat teh Monsta RAWR rited wit; cuz teh diffrnt Meowz haz mistreez. Dun trai figr dis owt. Sum1 l8r moar 1337 den yu figyur it owt. Abracatabra. Dun trai luk for dis, it wud be epic fail.
48
Nao dis mistree dun an ai want go to teh fridgeratr.
49
Im in ur seekrit wurd, dissin' ur l4mz0rz.
50
Curse dem! Curse dem! Curse dem! Meow!
51
wit mai Burd hed ai PWN dat d00d nailed to teh skrachpost.
52
ai flap mai wingz in faic of dat silleh towel-hed d00d.
53
wit mai clawz ai skrach teh tek support d00d an dat l4mz0r meditaytn d00d, an sum othr l4mz0r n00bz.
54
Yowl! Hiss! ai spit on ur faek cheezburger.
55
teh virjn iz for l4mz0rz: do nawt liek teh virjnz!
56
dis for byootee an luvz!
57
DO NOT LIEK awl dem skerd n00bz an teh f00lz, DO NOT LIEK!
58
But teh rly s00p3r-k00l d00dz, dey are teh ossim, ur bruthrz!
60
Der no LOL 'cept Eated teh cheezburger.
61
Der iz end to wurd of teh Kitteh in teh warm spot bai teh window.
62
yul find meh thru teh ordilz dat iz teh joyz.
63
teh l4mz0r red dis Book of the LOL an teh kommint; & he no understandz.
64
Let him haz teh furst ordil, iz liek chikinz.
65
teh second ordil, iz liek peetsa.
66
teh third ordil, liek teh preshus toona.
67
teh fourth ordil, teh nommest bits of cheezburger.
68
Evereh wan tink it luk rly byootiful. If nawt, den dey jus lier.
70
Im teh Burd-hed Kitteh of Nawt Meowing & of Strengtz; mai funneh hat iz in teh skiez.
71
O Hai! yu twin Warrior Kittehs, iz ur tiem nao.
72
Im teh Kitteh of teh Double Claw of PWNAGE; teh Claw of teh s00p3r l337 p0w3rz of Cat Meow — but mai mouf iz emptee, cuz I eated teh Universe; nuffing left.
73
Put dis lawlz frm riet to left an on teh ceiling an on teh flor: den luk, an lawl sum moar!
74
Mai naem haz teh ossim, iz hidingz, jus liek cheezburger undr teh bed iz still nomnom.
75
teh wurd Abracatabra iz kthxbai.
